currently, I am…

Focusing. On appreciating all that I have in my life rather than pondering on everything that I want.  There are millions of people around the world who don’t have homes, cars, disposable income, or food.  Yet, I find myself complaining (to myself mostly) about insignificant things.  I’ve decided to focus on all the good things that are flooding my life.

Anticipating. The redesign of my new blog this fall.  I’ve already decided on a new web address and name…now I just need to throw it all together with a new layout.  I love my blog design now, but I feel it’s more spring and summery.  Do you agree?

Loving: My new hairstyle.  I used to wear it the same way day after day with my bang sitting on the right side of my head.  I finally decided to switch it up a bit and use my entire forehead (instead of just one corner of it) for my bang.  I am so proud of my new, yet subtle, look.

Hating: My PMS.  I have a pretty bad case of:

Irritability, depression, crying, oversensitivity, sadness, anger, fatigue, bloating, acne, appetite change and breast tenderness.

Yes, I have each and every one of these symptoms every single month and it drives me bonkers.  I’m convinced it’s borderline PMDD.

Craving. A trip to Seattle to visit my Great-Aunt.  I also can’t wait to introduce her to Dana.  I know she will adore her.

Listening to: Love All Over Me– Monica Sex and Candy – Marcy Playground; Clint Eastwood – Gorillaz; Softest Lips – Eric Roberson; I’m Yours– Jason Mraz; Pretty Boy Swag – Soulja Boy.

Reading: The Help, by Kathryn Stockett.

Appreciative. Of my job, even if I am not in love with it.  I often whine, cry and complain about how I would love to be doing something else.  Something else that allows for me to have a life, get off before midnight, be home on the holidays and actually participate in the festivities of the weekends.  What that something else is… I’m not sure, I just know something is calling me…. and I’m hunting to find it.  In the meantime, I will remain appreciative of my employment at a time when thousands of Americans (and non-Americans) don’t have it.  I am able to pay my bills, eat good foods, and still treat myself to small luxuries from time to time.  Things could always be worse….

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…..and I probably won’t own one until the end of this year.  First off, I want the white one. why? because I’m cool like that! However, the white ones won’t be available until “later this year” according to Engadget . So that’s one reason.  Secondly, I’m sure by now everyone has heard of the technical issues that Apple has been having with the phones.  Apparently, if you hold it a certain way….the calls drop.  It’s bad enough that we have AT&T as a service provider and now you add MORE dropped calls? I can’t take it. 

Well, something “clever” was created in lieu of this issue and maybe you iphone peeps would like this….

purchase here

I guess now you can bandage the dead spot on the phone so you can hold on to that phone call of yours….haha. No, but srsly, if this fun idea really did work… I wonder how many people would walk around with band-aids on their phones.

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In August of 2003,  much of my time was consumed of shopping in Target for twin sheet sets, desk lamps, colorful furry rugs, expensive-as-hell textbooks, and of course— new clothes.  I bet this sounds all too familiar to every 18 year old girl (and some boys) going to college.  I was super excited to be at the final stretch of exams, studying, quizzes, term papers, and school lunches forever.  I felt good that I had finally made it.  I was going to be something in life.  I would be a “professional” in just 4 years. At least that’s what I thought.

I was fortunate enough that my first two years were paid for by my very hard working Dad.  However, after paying two years of college out of pocket, my apartment rent , my spending money, buying me a car, paying the note and insurance, AND those expensive-as-hell textbooks… he was all wiped out.  I decided to take out student loans to lighten his load as a single parent. 

30,000 + in loan debt, one kidney infection, 3 tongue re-piercings and 198 hangovers later …. I cannot say that it was all worth it.  As I sit here I am trying to recite 10 things that I learned.. and guess how many I came up with? None. LOL It’s sad but true.  On top of that I chose a degree that is pretty much USELESS in the world.  I started off in school as a nursing major, but hated the science classes. So I turned to Criminal Justice.

Yet, even after all those semesters of preparing for graduation, where was the course on how to get the most out of this piece of paper once you have it? Granted I have a very rewarding job but, it’s not my dream job.  In fact, I’m almost clueless on how to achieve my dream job without quitting my job, getting my car repossessed, becoming a financial burden on my wife, and gaining 100,000 more dollars of law school debt.  The recession doesn’t give me much hope either.  So many young law school graduates are out of work and struggling to pay their loans and survive.  Clearly, I should start thinking of a plan B.

College didn’t teach me how to have a plan B.  So what the hell did I pay for exactly? It is college’s fault that I’m not driving my dream car! Or able to shop until I drop! Or take Dana on surprise vacations! It’s because I’m still paying for my degree which has done nothing for me in return so far.  So what did they teach me in college? The answer is easy. Nothing.  Not even how to fill out a W-2 form, or balance my check book, or clean an oven, or invest my money, or read the stock charts…. What the hell have I done?

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Today was an ordinary day in Washington, D.C.

Have a lovely Tuesday!
XoXo

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I have been completely miserable.  I get home from work fairly late, I usually stay up until about 2 am.  It’s hard to just go directly to sleep after getting in from work. 

For the past three nights, I have been fighting with myself to get some sleep.  7:00 AM has become my new bedtime.  I am dead tired to the world but for some reason my body will not let me drift off to sleep.  It’s like my brain is fighting it.  Dana wakes up for work at 4:00 AM, I tell her goodbye, the birds start chirping, the sky gets blue, car engines are starting, and I am wondering why I am still not sleep.

I toss.  I turn.  I scream. I cry. I am just in a horrible state of consciousness that I don’t want to be in. 

I tore up my house looking for anything to help me sleep. I find nothing. 

Something has to be done about this.  I was even tempted to call Dana and ask her to come back home and help me sleep. But really, what can she do about it? Rock me to sleep like a baby maybe? That actually doesn’t sound too bad.  I start wondering if something is wrong with me.  I feel like a mutant.  This isn’t normal.  Even Kujo is looking at me like I’m insane.  Then I had to go to work the next day as a zombie with a headache.

I’ve already told myself that if my sleeping does not improve over the next couple of nights.. I’m headed to the doctors office for an explanation. 

Has anyone else experienced this?

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